Turning 34

I’m going to be 34 in 2 days.

Me (on the right) and Raymond. He recently sent me this picture… LOOK HOW YOUNG AND PALE WE WERE! Apparently, I am a Victorian child. This is how old I am.

Me (on the right) and Raymond. He recently sent me this picture… LOOK HOW YOUNG AND PALE WE WERE! Apparently, I am a Victorian child. This is how old I am.

I don’t really understand what that means, but judging by the fact that I am wearing a big woollen jumper, with Grand Designs on in the background while I write this on a Friday night, it means I am now old.

Gone are the days that I would be going out after work on my birthday, heading out to the sights, shows, and shenanigans of the Edinburgh Fringe’s final weekend- Spiegeltent beside Edinburgh Uni, Udderbelly, Underbelly, Hive till 5am. I had some AMAZING birthdays because of the Edinburgh Festival. Met some wonderful people that I am still friends with now, and had some amazing experiences- with hilarious stories because of them. When Sam and I moved to Manchester, that was replaced by Pride Weekend, which always fell on my birthday. Equally hilarious, equally drunk.

Last year we had JUST arrived in Chicago, and I really didn’t want to celebrate the night, or turning 33, but that was down to my lack of “self care,” and feeling that I “didn’t deserve it.” I had a LOT going on internally. I found out alcohol really brought out some dark thoughts. But that’s okay, it’s been a year and I am now someone new.

One year being 33. Here are some things I learned:

  • People are genuinely nice and have my best interests at heart.

  • Those same people will buy me shots on a night out, which leads to hangovers I can’t handle anymore. But I can’t turn down a shot, they always seem like a great idea…

  • Some people have their own goals and agendas, and I don’t necessarily have a front row seat to their life show, but that’s okay, I can still enjoy it from the back in a somewhat slightly obstructed view.

  • Those same people will pop in and out of my life, and it feels like there could be a closer connection, but there doesn’t have to be. The relationships I have with them are enough.

  • Some people mean more to me than I ever knew, and have done more for me over this past year than I can ever thank them for.

  • Those same people probably don’t realise how much they’ve kept me going, or how much they have done has helped me get to this point.

  • Exercise is BLOODY HARD now. No more perky evening runs without needing to rest a day after. Oh no, pain is my new friend, as is my tummy fat THAT WON’T GO AWAY!

  • I must remember, hobbies can be hobbies, they can also be a job- just make sure you get money for hard work either way.

  • I can’t pull off a small Tshirt anymore. It’s probably been a while since I did, and I also found out it’s all about the shoulder size… which means I never could anyway, even when I sucked in the tummy.

  • It’s okay to have a night in, I just need to remember that not all of them need to be. Vary it up a little.

  • I can’t dance, I thought I could, but it was just alcohol based confidence and blurred memories.

  • WHEN DID MY FACE GET SO OLD!

  • WHEN DID MY HAIR GO SO THIN!

  • I look good with a shaved head.

  • I can still run 13 miles, as can my mum at 70, so that’s a good sign.

  • I should be more grateful.

There are loads of other things I have learned, probably a lot less pretentiously philosophical. I haven’t had dinner yet, so I am going on hunger thoughts. It’s like hangry, but imagine a teenagers diary full of emotional hyperbole and coming of age.

Goals for 34? Sure. Loads.

  • Run the Chicago Marathon

  • SERIOUSLY! GET PAID TO BAKE!

  • Go out more, and be more social.

  • Stop searching for the negative.

  • Call my parents more.

  • Be less… critical of others, there’s a difference between shade and sh*t-talk

  • Buy new underwear.

The final question becomes, what cake do I make myself?

Colin x