The future is… tomorrow?

Sitting at work on my break and I feel like I need to write down my goals for the future.

I have been asking myself for a while wether I want to continue baking, or baking AND filming, or just making videos without baking, or just focus on work and exercise.

My trouble is that I like to do EVERYTHING. I’m a finger in many pies kind of person. But then sometimes I end up with 20 pies being fingered and can’t pick up the cup of tea I made for myself.

Sometimes I feel like Tina holding a secret. Uuhhhh

Sometimes I feel like Tina holding a secret. Uuhhhh

My baking business is still in hiatus- every time I try to get it off the ground I freeze in fear and my brain shuts down and then I just. Don’t.

I want to sell some merchandise, just to help fund the ingredients for the videos- and try to make a more structured video, with a back catalogue that allows me to take my time with each video instead of throwing them up frantically because it’s a Sunday and I haven’t posted.

Which brings me to YouTube, I haven’t made a video for that in 6 months. I thought the break would give me time to make said back catalogue- but it didn’t. Somehow my TiKTok profile became popular and this has meant I have essentially moved platforms for my content.

The wonderful @stressinabox from TikTok and I

The wonderful @stressinabox from TikTok and I

I also have a 9 episode WebSeries that I have written… but need to film and edit. So that’s also a thing.

Still marathon training, and also working, and then heading back to the UK for 6 days in the beginning of August for a family reunion.

Things are good. I just need to take a breath, but also not miss out on my potential future goals. It’s a good problem to have, and I’m happy to have it.

Colin x

Time to bake, but WHEN?! And HOW!!??

Time to bake, but WHEN?! And HOW!!??

Running a marathon is hard

It’s not meant to be easy, I know. But I forgot how much of my time it takes up. I ran the Edinburgh marathon in 2013 and forgot that I need more rest than usual. Trying to fit my work life, cake life, and day to day life into my schedule is tough. Especially when my brain just wants to quit and play Skyrim all day.

In my old age I’m barely social as it is, but this new training has left me shattered. I have recently spent some time with a nutritionist who took one look at my food diary and said I clearly wasn’t eating enough. So that’s something I’ll be working on.

Eating and preparing food has always been an activity I’ve struggled with. Which sounds strange from someone who loves baking. I always feel guilty for eating too much, or eating something considered wrong. Maybe it’s societies expectations for male bodies and whatnot. But no matter what is said, it’s just how I process the eating to survive “habit.” It usually crops up as an issue when I’m trying to regain control. By controlling my diet I feel like I have more of a hold on my life. I’m also aware it’s usually when I’m avoiding something I could easily change or do. Isn’t it fun how the brain works?

It’s not that I feel shame about my body, or that I feel disgust or anything like body dysmorphia- I just know I could have a healthier body, because I did once. I know what I was eating, how my life was, what I was doing, my social life etc. And the result was an outer body that matched my ideal self. I also had more energy.

Back to marathon training. This time around, and 6 years later, my legs have taken a bit longer to get used to the training. Probably because I was doing a lot more running on a treadmill. The Chicago winter was too brutal for outside running. so inside I went. My style of running has been hard to adapt to “hopping” on the treadmill, and I usually find my calves are sore for much longer than when I run outside. But any movement is better than no movement, so I take it easy if I have to do a treadmill run.

Today I ran 9 miles. I loved it. I had so much fun. My ultimate goal is to run this marathon under 4 hours. In reality, I just want to finish it having enjoyed myself. The Edinburgh marathon was so much fun on the day, and I still remember how much I loved the cheering from the crowds. What can I say, I love applause.

In conclusion to this stream of consciousness, marathon training is hard, my legs are tired, I’ve had to sacrifice some future goals in order to train properly; but I am happy. Oh and I got new trainers.

Colin xx